Old Habits Die Hard
by xokassandraxo
Summary: Following Knockdown Kate Beckett revisits an old habit that she swore to herself she would never do again.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first Fic so be nice please!

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to ABC and Andrew Marlowe, unless of course I win Lottery.

Takes place right after Knockdown, following Beckett leaving the prison. I have taken Becketts past and made it quite a bit darker.

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><p>Sitting in her car she felt like a failure; taking a deep breath she took off down the highway back into the city. She promised herself that she would not breakdown; she would stay strong just like her mother always did. Castle already caught her crying once, and that was enough to last a lifetime.<p>

Closing her door the last part of her resolve crumbled. Sinking down against the back of her door she cried for how long she doesn't know. Eventually she pulled herself up and headed towards her bathroom. Thinking a nice hot bath will make her feel better; filling the tub to the brim with scalding hot water and raspberry scented bubble bath, she stripped and settled into the bubbly heaven. Mere moments later she could feel the tears sting her eyes, determined not to let them fall she blinked fast and hard. It was no use, she began to panic. Taking deep breaths she looked around for something to calm herself down with; that's when she looked at her left wrist. Her father's watch discarded for her bath was now replaced with thin silver scars. Without thinking she reached for her razor snapping it in half and began to drag it across her skin. Leaning her head back she let herself be pulled away from the thoughts in her head, to just focusing on the dull sting that was now radiating from her wrist. Several cuts later she rose from her tub, the water once clear with white fluffy bubbles was now a dull pink, and looking at her wrist she sighed thinking that covering those tomorrow was going be a bitch.

When Kate Beckett woke the following morning her first assessment was the throbbing pain radiating from her left wrist. Looking down she gasped, it wasn't just one or two cuts it was more like eight or nine. She knew at that moment that she just opened up a closed box inside of herself that was going to be damn hard to shut again. Stripping from her pyjama's she hopped into the shower; being cautious of the cuts she washed quickly. Stepping out of the shower onto the cool tile a chill ran through her. Standing in front of her mirror she examined her torso and thighs, slowly with a feather like touch she ran her fingers over the already healed and fading scars.

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><p>Again this is my first ever attempt a fanfiction! Constructive criticism would be great!<p>

Oh and if anyone could tell me how to indent and double space this that would be great!

xoxoKassandra


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to the people who reviewed my story. I wasn't sure if I was going to continue or not. I guess we'll see.

Disclaimer: I wish. Maybe one day I will be able to brainwash Mr. Marlowe into lending me the rights to the show.

Ps. I am so sorry this took so long for me to do. Things have been a little crazy lately.

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><p>Gazing out her bedroom window she figured that she could pull off a long sleeved shirt today. The sky was an overcast grey color, secretly she felt like that sky right now. Grey. Having no idea where she stood. Slowly she began to build the layers of Detective Beckett. Sliding her leather jacket on she examined herself one last time in the mirror; the dark bags under her eyes were slightly concealed with makeup, but still very noticeable. The bloodshot eyes were going to be a dead giveaway; but again she would tell everyone she was fine and slip back into that Detective Beckett mode that everyone knew oh so well.<p>

Exiting her building Nathan her doorman gave her a slight wave and asked her the same question he always asked when she emerged at the crack of dawn "another case Miss Beckett?" She simply nodded and replied with a quick "criminals never take a day off Nathan." Kate just caught the end of his good luck before slamming her car door shut. Starting her car she never even thought about what time it actually was, gazing at the digital screen it read 4:38. Damn it was way too early to head to the prescient without getting questionable looks from the night shift. Aimlessly she drove around for a good half an hour before she ended up in front of a building that she had grown to know fairly well over the last three years; Casa De Castle. Why would her subconscious mind lead her here, it wasn't like she was going to knock on Castles door at five after five on a Tuesday morning and spill her guts to him. Like hell she would rather get teeth pulled than tell Castle how she really felt.

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><p>Thanks for reading :) If anyone could tell me how to double space this that would be awesome :)<p> 


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